Finding My Tribe

Back in August I was asked to join a very successful group of doulas. I was really flattered because the three of them were very established and I was a just a newbie. One the members told me they chose me because I was the only other doula besides herself and one of the other partners that attended a workshop on optimal fetal positioning. After that workshop I began building a relationship with the two members of the group in attendance that day. I asked questions and sought advice while at difficult births. I listened and offered my help on anything and everything they would allow me to be a part of. So when they asked me to join I was surprised, humbled and most of all grateful. Grateful for the opportunity to work with such seasoned doulas and women with so much knowledge. My business picked up and I've continued to learn from them every day since. Last night we had a meeting and welcomed another member to our group. She's been a kind of honorary member for ages but we felt it was time to make it official.

There are five of us now. One super spiritual and highly educated doula and childbirth educator that's a natural phenomenon. One awesome, highly knowledgeable and experienced doula that really leads the pack. One good hearted doula and amazing educator who's teachings empower couples like I've never seen before. And one unfreaking believable bodyworker who's intuition is indescribable. And then there's me, a relatively new doula with, I'd like to think, drive, dedication and a love for all things woman.

So what could be so wrong with these women, who's sole mission is to change the landscape of birth in this community, coming together to form a group? We've all worked together, attended births together, taught and learned from one another. Naturally we migrated towards one another. Where is the harm in that? I don't see it but I get the feeling that some people are not happy with our union. I don't get it, maybe I'm missing something. I've many friends in this industry that I spend time with and learn from. I do not exclude anyone. I'll say it again, I do not exclude anyone.

I hope that others will come to understand what our group stands for. And by others I mean folks in the local birthing community. However, even if they never come around I'm okay with that. Because we aren't in this for them, we are in this for women. We do what we do and work as hard as we work to improve women's healthcare in this city. We do what we do and work as hard as we do to make sure that women and families are empowered by their birth experience. And we do what we do and work as hard as we do because not doing so would go against everything we believe in with every last fiber of our being.

Public Speaking for Dummies

Recently I was asked to speak to a group of Bradley students about the benefits of placenta encapsulation and having a doula attended birth. Here is a short break down on how to prepare for speaking in public.

Step 1: Immediately begin making an outline of the topics you wish to cover. Keep that list in your head. No need to put it on paper until 2hr before the event. You know you stuff.

Step 2: On the day of the event, wake up and come up with anecdotes to keep it funny and interesting. Not too many, you don't want people to think you are silly, but enough that they know you are relatable. Because someone who uses words like "vagina" and "bloody show" in daily conversation couldn't possibly have a sense of humor.

Step 3: Go about your day as you normally would. No reason to add any unneeded anxiety to your day. You have plenty of time to prepare.

Step 4: With less than 4hrs until you are scheduled to speak you should probably start putting that outline on paper. Better yet, begin searching your computer for the handouts you want to use and pray that your printer has paper and ink.

Step 5: 2hr to go, really...it's time to write something down.

Step 6: Print out your handouts and make tiny notations on your personal copy instead of the outline. It just makes more sense this way.

Step 7: Practice your introductions and closings for each subject on your way to the event. Ignore the thug in the next car staring while you talk to yourself. For all he knows you're on speaker phone with the president.

Step 8 aka The Moment of Truth: This is it. The moment you've been preparing for, for all of...well 4 hours. Begin your talk by explaining why you are there and what you hope to teach these seven pairs of unblinking eyes. They are staring at you. Expecting you to know exactly what to say to keep them engaged. Wait, why is that person looking away? Say something funny. Okay that didn't work, try to sound smart. Great now two people are looking away. Talk faster. Where were you? Didn't you just say that same statistic a min ago? Next topic! Wait, ask if anyone has questions so far. No questions? That's probably because you keep repeating the same stuff over and over. Talk about how cool placentas are! Wow, that guy looks like he's gonna puke. No, seriously, scoot away from that guy or say goodbye to your suede boots. Stay on topic, never mind that everyone looks extremely uncomfortable. Almost there, just wrap it all up now. There, you're done. You did it. Ignore the looks of relief and thank everyone for their time. Thank your host, smile when she thanks you for all the great information and pretend that you are happy with your performance. Collect your belongings.

Say goodnight.

Drive home in silence.

Step 9: Write a blog about how irresponsible of you it was of you to be so unprepared for something that should have been so easy.

Step 10: Never let it happen again.

But, it wasn't a complete loss. The instructor mentioned a humorous peice she read awhile back about placenta encapsulation. Here's the link. She also asked me to come back so maybe it wasn't quite as bad as I though Or maybe she was being really, really polite. Either way, I learned my lesson. Next time I'll write the outline.

This Just Happened

I just made the most awesome tomato soup ever. Substituted greek yogurt and coconut milk for heavy cream. Make this, you won't regret it.

One Year and Five Months Later

Wow, I can't believe how much has changed in the year and a half since I last posted. Not because I'm so committed to posting, obviously, but because so much has happened. Let's see my first postpartum client I spoke about in the last post was amazing. The twins were wonderful to work with. I had the mom tandem feeding them in less than a week. Baby boy had a hard time latching on at first but after a few days he caught up with big sister. I learned so much in the six weeks I spent with them. I've worked with seven or eight families since and each one teaches me something new.

I love postpartum work; working with newborns and new families is so rewarding. Because I was doing contract work for a local agency, work was sporadic at best. I spent many nights worried whether or not I'd have a paycheck the following week. I was still trying to attend births. I had my first birth in September and it was amazing! That same birth client referred me to my second client. Mama #2 had her baby in a birthing center and the midwife really liked the way I worked and referred my third. Things were starting to pick up but they weren't consistent enough for me to make a living.

In November 2010 I did a job for a family that lives in my area. It was a very stressful time for my partner and I. Bills were getting paid but barely. The family approached with with an offer to stay on as their nanny and I declined for weeks. The more money the offered the harder it was to say no. Anyhow, long story short I signed on with them because of the money AND because they were totally supportive of my birth doula work. They let me leave to go to births when I needed to; it was an arrangement made in heaven. Seriously, I totally credit God for that.

Then two things happened. As the baby got older he began attending more activities and at the same time I began attending more births. It wasn't fair that the little one had to miss his activities because I was away. I had so many requests that I had to turn clients away because of the difficulty finding back up on short notice. Things were just getting too stressful for everyone. So here I was, full circle, back where I started from. Steady paycheck versus living by faith that God would provide. It sounds like it would be a struggle but there were so many factors involved. Again, like last time, everything around me was pulling me towards leaving. So many amazing people and events had come into my life that I knew God was preparing the road for me. I was so sad to leave the baby. I cried for days before I left and days after. I see him every couple of weeks or so and I still get sad when I have to leave him. But he is well taken care of and I'm thankful that I had the opportunity to be a part of his life.

I started writing here again today for a few reasons. During those months that I worked as a nanny I started taking better care of myself. I've lost just short of eighty pounds. Who knew eating healthy and exercising could lead to weight loss! Go figure! So I want to chronicle the loss of my last twenty five or so pounds. I was also asked to join a very successful doula group and am learning so much from these amazing women I want to share it with...well... all two of my readers! I'm averaging two births a month now and hoping to pick up more soon. Really though, I just feel like I have a lot to say and I need a place to put it all.

My life has changed so much in the last year or so and there are no signs of it letting up anytime soon. I want to share it with you, my tales of joy.

New beginnings

A year ago I was blogging about being bored stiff and living in terrible rut. Tonight I sit behind this keyboard with all the excitement of a child on Christmas Eve. My life is about to change in ways I had given up on . Today I leave my Monday through Friday, 8-5 job to follow a dream I've had since high school. Friday, I begin my journey to becoming a Doula. I'm so blessed to be where I am today. (Trust me the corniness of that last statement is not lost on me. To make matters worse, thanks to the shuffle feature on itunes, Blues Travelers' "The Mountains Win Again" is now playing as I write. Like a scene from a Nicolas Sparks book.)

Anyhow, things are really looking good. Tomorrow morning I will begin working with a set of twins. A boy and girl, henceforth we shall call them B(oy) & G(irl). Mom is wanting to breastfeed and I just took a class last night that focused on just that subject. I think my only concern is that mom will see that I'm no pro and freak out. My instructor last night was really very knowledgeable. She's been a doula for 28 years and specialized in multiples. What I found really interesting was the number of women who started the class wanting to breastfeed. All four of the mothers were very interested in breastfeeding until they learned that for at least the first two months they would have to feed in tandem every two hours or so. That's a huge reality to face isn't it? EVERY TWO HOURS.

As a doula, I get to leave after 12 hrs. I can eat, watch some TV, blog and sleep for 7-8 hrs before I have to do it all again. But Mom, she will have to survive for months on 1hr and 45 min cat naps. AROUND THE CLOCK. That is probably the most unselfish thing a woman could ever do. Because yes, Moms do benefit from breastfeeding but really she does it for her baby or in this case babies. Pumping is out of the question because unlike breastfeeding one baby, both breast are emptied at each feeding. Needless to say 2 of the 4 moms were inquiring about formula by the end of the class. I can't judge those women. I've been the woman's health industry for a while now and I have read TONS of books and articles and studies about the benefits of breastfeeding so I admit, I'm kinda partial. I don't know how much these women know about the benefits of breastfeeding. Maybe they've only read one or two of those books that try to stay neutral so as not to upset any mothers on either side of the issue. But the fact is after less than two hours they, and I'm pretty sure their partners, had changed their mind. I won't lie, it was a little disturbing.

Now please don't get me wrong, a mother should be able to decide how to raise her baby without judgment. But those women were not scared because off because they were selfish, they were scared off because they knew they wouldn't have the support system they needed to successfully breastfeed two babies around the clock. This is why I've chosen this profession. I want to spread awareness about doulas and what we do. Every woman deserves to have help at being a new mom. My mission is to help as many moms as I can, regardless of income, get the best care they can before, during and after the birth of their child...and I start tomorrow. Wish me luck.