Public Speaking for Dummies

Recently I was asked to speak to a group of Bradley students about the benefits of placenta encapsulation and having a doula attended birth. Here is a short break down on how to prepare for speaking in public.

Step 1: Immediately begin making an outline of the topics you wish to cover. Keep that list in your head. No need to put it on paper until 2hr before the event. You know you stuff.

Step 2: On the day of the event, wake up and come up with anecdotes to keep it funny and interesting. Not too many, you don't want people to think you are silly, but enough that they know you are relatable. Because someone who uses words like "vagina" and "bloody show" in daily conversation couldn't possibly have a sense of humor.

Step 3: Go about your day as you normally would. No reason to add any unneeded anxiety to your day. You have plenty of time to prepare.

Step 4: With less than 4hrs until you are scheduled to speak you should probably start putting that outline on paper. Better yet, begin searching your computer for the handouts you want to use and pray that your printer has paper and ink.

Step 5: 2hr to go, really...it's time to write something down.

Step 6: Print out your handouts and make tiny notations on your personal copy instead of the outline. It just makes more sense this way.

Step 7: Practice your introductions and closings for each subject on your way to the event. Ignore the thug in the next car staring while you talk to yourself. For all he knows you're on speaker phone with the president.

Step 8 aka The Moment of Truth: This is it. The moment you've been preparing for, for all of...well 4 hours. Begin your talk by explaining why you are there and what you hope to teach these seven pairs of unblinking eyes. They are staring at you. Expecting you to know exactly what to say to keep them engaged. Wait, why is that person looking away? Say something funny. Okay that didn't work, try to sound smart. Great now two people are looking away. Talk faster. Where were you? Didn't you just say that same statistic a min ago? Next topic! Wait, ask if anyone has questions so far. No questions? That's probably because you keep repeating the same stuff over and over. Talk about how cool placentas are! Wow, that guy looks like he's gonna puke. No, seriously, scoot away from that guy or say goodbye to your suede boots. Stay on topic, never mind that everyone looks extremely uncomfortable. Almost there, just wrap it all up now. There, you're done. You did it. Ignore the looks of relief and thank everyone for their time. Thank your host, smile when she thanks you for all the great information and pretend that you are happy with your performance. Collect your belongings.

Say goodnight.

Drive home in silence.

Step 9: Write a blog about how irresponsible of you it was of you to be so unprepared for something that should have been so easy.

Step 10: Never let it happen again.

But, it wasn't a complete loss. The instructor mentioned a humorous peice she read awhile back about placenta encapsulation. Here's the link. She also asked me to come back so maybe it wasn't quite as bad as I though Or maybe she was being really, really polite. Either way, I learned my lesson. Next time I'll write the outline.